Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
