Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
