She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
