I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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