So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
