Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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