You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
