Can Purell be used as lube?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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