well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
