he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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