He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
