He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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