he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
