Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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