i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
