SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
