I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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