I think I just saw someone hide a body.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
