If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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