Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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