please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
