She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
