I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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