I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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