VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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