I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
