Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
