What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize