I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
