ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
