he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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