He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
