he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm really busy with my period
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