Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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