Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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