Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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