butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
