Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
