This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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