i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
