he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
