not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
