Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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