your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
