i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
time to smoke my breakfast
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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