Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who died my cat blue again?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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