I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
