thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize