stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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