we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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