i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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