you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
