just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
