The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
