i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
