so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
