Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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