OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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