im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
