You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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