Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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