Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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