I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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