so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
