Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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