It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my shit smells like andre
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize