I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Houston, we have a blender
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
