If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
