Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
