I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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