I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
