garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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