He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
